#4. Five Myths About People Who Wait Until Marriage to Have Sex

#4 – People who wait are total prudes

The Myth

This one goes along with the myth that waiters don’t have sex drives. People assume that those who wait are prudish and uptight about sex. In terms of dating, people assume that a virgin will recoil in horror and slap them in the face at the slightest physical advance. God forbid you do actually marry a person who is waiting, because they’ll probably be totally boring in the bedroom.

The Reality

Most people who wait do not view sex as ugly or bad — quite the opposite. Waiting till marriage is not an act of reducing or demonizing sex; it is an act of elevating it and holding it as more meaningful. Most people who wait have all the same sexual desires as non-waiters. They just require a higher price for unlocking that part of them: meaning and commitment.

#3. Five Myths About People Who Wait Until Marriage to Have Sex

#3 – Oh you’re waiting? You must not have a sex drive.

The Myth

For somebody who regularly lets their sexual urges rule them, it can seem strange and totally unthinkable that there could be people out there who willfully ignore and redirect those urges. So strange, in fact, that such people must not really exist. Surely, nobody with a normal sex drive could muster the will to hold it at bay until marriage…they must just have a lower-than-normal sex drive. They must not be interested in sex. They must be frigid in some way.

The Reality

As most people on this site can assure you, people who wait until marriage have hormones and sex drives that rage just as hard as everybody else’s. The difference is that people who wait have prioritized (to the extreme) the desires of their heart and mind over that physical side of them. As much as possible, people who wait strive to redirect that part of themselves into productive ambitions until they meet the right person, at which point they can let the beast out of the cage.

#2. Five Myths About People Who Wait Until Marriage to Have Sex

#2 – Only super-religious people wait until marriage

The Myth

People only wait until marriage because their pastor, their church, and their backwards, outdated religion tells them that they’re going to hell if they don’t. Really, we should feel bad for people who wait because their ultra-religious upbringing is suppressing their natural urges in an unhealthy way.

The Reality

While it’s true that the majority of waiters attend some sort of religious services, that’s not universal, and those who are religious aren’t always the “bad” type of religious (overbearing, pushy, preachy). As Leo’s recent article on Atheism and waiting proves, waiting till marriage is not always a purely-religious decision. Waiting till marriage is a cause that can appeal to people of all faiths, and those with none.

#1. Five Myths About People Who Wait Until Marriage to Have Sex

#1 – People who claim they’re waiting are actually just ugly losers who can’t get laid

The Myth

Normal, attractive people don’t wait until marriage. Anybody who claims that they’re waiting is probably just an ugly losers/social outcast who can’t find anybody to have sex with. They tell other people (and themselves) that they are waiting till marriage to feel better about nobody wanting them.

The Reality

Most people decide to wait until marriage in their mid-to-late teens, right around the time when the opportunity to have sex starts to close in on them for the first time. It is this pressure — the very real, immediate possibility of having sex — that forces the person to decide how the feel about the issue. Without the opportunity, there would be little reason for people to worry about making a decision.

Moreover, one of the biggest challenges for those who wait is resisting opportunity throughout their lives. If you don’t believe me, read the comments on this site. Most of them mention pressures and over-abundance of opportunities much more than they mention loneliness.

Waiting till marriage is a mental decision that comes from a particular personality type. It has little to do with physical appearance. There are people who wait at all levels of physical attractiveness, from Quasimodo to Supermodel.

There are such things as unattractive, socially awkward people who have trouble finding partners. But in my experience, such people are more likely to be desperate types who make lots of bad sexual decisions because of their low self esteem.

#11. Breaking the Mold - Awesome Benifit Of Waiting Till Marriage.

#11. Breaking the Mold

Einstein said that the definition of insanity was “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

Think of all the things in this age that are the same: Most people have sex before marriage. For most people, the divorce rate is increasing day by day. Most people complain of frigid, bland marriages that are sad, neutered versions of their pre-marriage relationships. Most people follow the rules and the norms of everyone around them, and as a consequence are carried through similar paths and predictable milestones, both good and bad. But not you.

You have stepped outside the conventions of world and said “No. I’m going to be different.”

Whatever else you do in your life, you have made one choice that sets you vastly apart from the crowd. You have made a statement to the world that you will ignore conventions if you believe it right to do so; if there is glory in it. You will be forever unique, for better and for worse.

And above all, you have done something different. You have broken the mold. And that is sure to bring you unexpected and different results. Enjoy your adventure.

# 10. A Great Example Your kids - Awesome Benefit Of Waiting Till Marriage.

# 10. A Great Example Your kids.

Most parents get stuck on this dilemma: How do I make them do what I say, and not what I did when I was their age? Parents had their youth. They had their teenage sex and their pot smoking and all the trouble. Then they grew up, had kids, and suddenly got serious about morals and values.

But here’s the problem: You can tell your kids what you think they should do, but ultimately what you did is going to show through. You cannot escape the decisions of your own past and how they shaped your personality. It is that personality —and every decision attached to it — that’s going to rub off on your kids whether you like it or not.

The mom who sleeps around in her youth, then as an adult sticks her kids in church and espouses the virtues of waiting till marriage will most likely end up with one of those church kids who has sex in the bathroom in between youth group sessions (i.e., a holier-than-thou hypocrite that every rational kid hates).

Plus, if you’re trying to tell your child not to do something, they can instantly destroy the credibility of your point with this question: What did you do when you were my age?

What kind of answers will you have when your kids start asking those questions? What will rub off on your kids as far as relationships and sex goes?

If you wait until marriage to have sex, and you focus on having an obviously great relationship with your husband/wife, you will have a lot of solid ground to stand on when your kids start approaching that age. You want to be able to say “I saved everything for your father/mother. That’s partially why we still have such a great relationship, and why all of your friends’ parents are divorced.”

But again, it won’t matter much what you say. It’s what you did that will rub off. And in your case that will work in your favor.

A True-Story Example of America

My friend of friend’s parents, who we’ll call BOB and SUSIE, grew up in a small, highly-religious community (we’re talking near-Amish, from what I understand). When Bob and Susie fell in love and decided to get married, they had to follow the traditions of the town before their marriage could be condoned. First, they had to spend a year apart from each other without any communication whatsoever.

When they reunited a year later, they had to re-assess whether they still wanted to get married. They did. Then they had to stand naked in front of each other, to make sure they were physically OK with what they were getting into. They were. Then they were allowed to marry.

This was waiting-till-marriage to the extreme. Today, thirty years later, they’re one of the closest married couples I’ve ever known. Everything they do is as a team. And they seem to still have so much love for each other.

They are very calm, rational people. I’m close with their son, and there are no stories about them being over-bearing about religious behavior or anything like that. Looking at them, you’d never know that they had such structured religious upbringing.

Now, their kids: two girls and a boy. Both of the girls waited until marriage, and are two of the sweetest, most beautiful girls I have ever met. They are the kind of people that it’s impossiblenot to like because they are so unrelentingly kind-natured and caring. As smart, beautiful, and successful as each of the daughters are…they are also very, very good people.

The son didn’t wait till marriage. He rebelled for a little bit, as oldest sons often do. But you can still see those tight family values in him. He ended up marrying a girl who was waiting till marriage (he waited with her for six years while they dated). He worked harder at that relationship than I’ve ever seen somebody in their 20′s work at anything.

So you can see how having parents who waited can positively affect the relationships that their kids have throughout their life.

When you wait until marriage, you will pass your preference for committed, meaningful relationships on to your kids, and that’s a very wonderful gift to give them.

# 9. A Deeper, More Committed Bond with Your Spouse - Awesome Benefit Of Waiting Till Marriage.

#9. A Deeper, More Committed Bond with Your Spouse

At the heart of sex is a sense of ownership. When you have sex with someone, you give them a little piece of yourself that they will forever own. But here’s the catch: You only have so many pieces to give away in this fashion, before you grow numb to the process; the pieces stop feeling as important.

Waiting till marriage means that you do not dilute this piece of yourself by giving it to a lot of people. You give it to one person; the person that earns your heart along with it. And for this they will forever own you, all of your pieces, in total. This is not just some symbolic fantasy — you will feel owned by them in the same way that they will feel owned by you (if they waited too).

Plus, you’ve spent your whole life living under the notion that there is one person out there who will complete you more than any other. Most people, waiting or not, have this notion. But you spent your whole life backing it up with action (i.e., not having sex until you found him/her).

Divorce and multiple marriages are not in your brain. They are so far removed from the waiting-till-marriage mindset that they exist only as a “wouldn’t that be horrible” scenario — not as any kind of viable option for consideration. You will think that because you waited, you will be a little exempt from the statistics (50% divorce rate) because you have so much more invested and will fight much harder to defend your investment. And you will probably be right.

In terms of marriage, you’re not sticking you’re toe in the water, ready to bail out at a moment’s difficulty — you’re diving in head-first with no thought of turning back. And when you do encounter trouble, you will do everything in your power to overcome it. You will stay the course much longer than many others, because you have more of yourself invested, and because that’s what you’ve prepared yourself for during all those years of waiting on this.

That deeper bond and heightened sense of mutual ownership that your waiting-till-marriage earned you will work in your favor. It will keep you both gravitating back towards each other. It will make you feel more like one person, which is a much harder thing to split.


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