#5. Five Myths About People Who Wait Until Marriage to Have Sex

#5 – All people who wait are preachy hypocrites

The Myth

Lots of young people try to wait until marriage and then give up. There are some personalities that were never really compatible with the whole idea of waiting. When somebody with an incompatible personality tries to force themselves to wait, they often do so using very harsh language in their own minds. They beat and chastise themselves into doing what they have become convinced is proper. And when they are challenged on it, they lash out and lecture others using all the harsh words they use against themselves.

They become the preachy, holier-than-thou types that everybody hates. And then, because their whole decision is based on fear and repression, they cave, over and over again. One minute they’ll be calling some girl a slut, and the next minute they’ll be having sex in the church bathroom, and then two days later they’ll be chastising themselves for it and lashing out at others again.

One day, they hurtfully condemn one of their classmates who happens to be a future Hollywood screenwriter, or the friend of a future screenwriter. And then that writer grows up to make movies and TV shows portraying abstinent people as cruel hypocrites; her revenge against her High School tormentors. The writer’s passionately vicious portrayal sticks in the minds of moviegoers, and helps solidify the stereotype of an abstinent person.

The Reality

There’s a vast difference between people who say they’re waiting till marriage in high school, and those who continue to maintain their decision after they’ve graduated. The latter are the real waiters. And those tend to be very sweet, kindhearted people, not angry preachy types.

As mentioned above, it is often the people who fail miserably at waiting who are the most vocal about it. The successful waiters, the ones who survive high school with their decision intact, who are kind and unpreachy and don’t judge others for their own actions…those people tend to keep their decision to themselves. But we are the silent majority when it comes to waiting till marriage.

#4. Five Myths About People Who Wait Until Marriage to Have Sex

#4 – People who wait are total prudes

The Myth

This one goes along with the myth that waiters don’t have sex drives. People assume that those who wait are prudish and uptight about sex. In terms of dating, people assume that a virgin will recoil in horror and slap them in the face at the slightest physical advance. God forbid you do actually marry a person who is waiting, because they’ll probably be totally boring in the bedroom.

The Reality

Most people who wait do not view sex as ugly or bad — quite the opposite. Waiting till marriage is not an act of reducing or demonizing sex; it is an act of elevating it and holding it as more meaningful. Most people who wait have all the same sexual desires as non-waiters. They just require a higher price for unlocking that part of them: meaning and commitment.

#3. Five Myths About People Who Wait Until Marriage to Have Sex

#3 – Oh you’re waiting? You must not have a sex drive.

The Myth

For somebody who regularly lets their sexual urges rule them, it can seem strange and totally unthinkable that there could be people out there who willfully ignore and redirect those urges. So strange, in fact, that such people must not really exist. Surely, nobody with a normal sex drive could muster the will to hold it at bay until marriage…they must just have a lower-than-normal sex drive. They must not be interested in sex. They must be frigid in some way.

The Reality

As most people on this site can assure you, people who wait until marriage have hormones and sex drives that rage just as hard as everybody else’s. The difference is that people who wait have prioritized (to the extreme) the desires of their heart and mind over that physical side of them. As much as possible, people who wait strive to redirect that part of themselves into productive ambitions until they meet the right person, at which point they can let the beast out of the cage.

#2. Five Myths About People Who Wait Until Marriage to Have Sex

#2 – Only super-religious people wait until marriage

The Myth

People only wait until marriage because their pastor, their church, and their backwards, outdated religion tells them that they’re going to hell if they don’t. Really, we should feel bad for people who wait because their ultra-religious upbringing is suppressing their natural urges in an unhealthy way.

The Reality

While it’s true that the majority of waiters attend some sort of religious services, that’s not universal, and those who are religious aren’t always the “bad” type of religious (overbearing, pushy, preachy). As Leo’s recent article on Atheism and waiting proves, waiting till marriage is not always a purely-religious decision. Waiting till marriage is a cause that can appeal to people of all faiths, and those with none.

#1. Five Myths About People Who Wait Until Marriage to Have Sex

#1 – People who claim they’re waiting are actually just ugly losers who can’t get laid

The Myth

Normal, attractive people don’t wait until marriage. Anybody who claims that they’re waiting is probably just an ugly losers/social outcast who can’t find anybody to have sex with. They tell other people (and themselves) that they are waiting till marriage to feel better about nobody wanting them.

The Reality

Most people decide to wait until marriage in their mid-to-late teens, right around the time when the opportunity to have sex starts to close in on them for the first time. It is this pressure — the very real, immediate possibility of having sex — that forces the person to decide how the feel about the issue. Without the opportunity, there would be little reason for people to worry about making a decision.

Moreover, one of the biggest challenges for those who wait is resisting opportunity throughout their lives. If you don’t believe me, read the comments on this site. Most of them mention pressures and over-abundance of opportunities much more than they mention loneliness.

Waiting till marriage is a mental decision that comes from a particular personality type. It has little to do with physical appearance. There are people who wait at all levels of physical attractiveness, from Quasimodo to Supermodel.

There are such things as unattractive, socially awkward people who have trouble finding partners. But in my experience, such people are more likely to be desperate types who make lots of bad sexual decisions because of their low self esteem.